There are days when everything seems to go wrong. Someone gets up on the wrong side of the bed, and has it out for everyone else. Things go downhill from there. One grouchy heart can set a chain reaction off like a massive domino set, especially if there are more than a few siblings around. Ideally, stopping the grouchy heart at the first sign is the best option, but it can’t always be caught and taken care of. I like to try to give a warning and see if they can adjust their own heart without further correction, but the grouchy heart is often stubborn. A warning will not usually do. So, when this does progress into chaos, and the day has quickly avalanched into siblings fighting and nothing getting done, here are a few things that I might do…
1. Stop, separate everyone, and declare quiet time. It is time to cool down and everyone needs to take time to breathe. It is ok to take a moment to cry if you need to, but pull yourself together, and take charge. I put everyone in separate chairs, corners of the room, or even separate rooms if necessary. If we are in the van, they are told to look out their own window. (by the way, we do have assigned seats in the van, and only the oldest that is with me is allowed to sit in the front seat). If it is only one of the little ones, then they get sent to the step or a chair for time to calm down and think about having a happy heart.
2. Next I do one of two things. If it is a really bad day, I play Proverbs on the audio Bible app on my phone. https://www.bible.com/app The Bible is the answer to everything. I play this until I start to see changes of heart. I am looking for a softening. When they stop looking stiff and rigid, holding their ears, or acting in an angry way, and their attitudes go away. The Word of God is powerful. Hearing it can soften their heart and change their attitudes. You will notice the difference. One day we made it to Proverbs chapter 12. It does not take long to listen to the book of Proverbs.
The other option I would do, is to play “Hymns Radio” on Pandora, or if we are in the van, I play songs from my mp3 player or a CD. Music soothes the soul. Sometimes I play this even after the attitudes start to improve. Some of the songs have words, but many are just instrumental. My kids know the words to most of the songs, so just the instrumental music is putting the words in their mind. We read about David playing his harp for king Saul when he was troubled.
3. Once things have calmed down, I try to talk about what happened, and what they should have done. It takes time to calm down before talking. Don’t try to discuss things while they are angry. They will shut down or say things that they may not mean. Talk about the heart issue. How was their heart displeasing God? Remember that we are not perfect. They have sinful hearts that need to be guided to be more like God. For the little ones, we talk about having a grumpy heart and how God wants us to have a happy heart. A happy heart is not mean, or unkind to others, or selfish. A happy heart loves, no matter what, even when others do things that we do not like. Our siblings are more important than whatever caused them to act the way that they did.
4. I don’t give up. Don’t just let it go with separating them and calming down the situation. You must get to the heart issue. This is only a small moment in a season of life. Life is full of seasons. Some seasons will last longer than others, but they will pass. That being said, it is important to deal with behavior problems as soon as possible. If you let them go, they will grow. If you take the time to deal with the real heart issues, when they happen, it will hopefully, prevent some future issues.
Things to remember…
If your children are wise and behaved, they will bring gladness, but if they are not behaved, it will wear the mother down and cause her tremendous pain. It is important to take care of these problems when they are young. It is only harder the older they grow.
A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.
A family that dwells together in unity is the way that God created it to be. Life will be good and pleasant. We need to teach our children that their siblings are more important than whatever objects that may cause them to fight.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!