This week I spent two days in the hospital for some urgent testing. I had had a migraine, and an ER visit, and then a few days later a fall that included some neurological symptoms and muscle weakness. I waited until Monday morning to call my neurologist and she sent me straight to the ER. The ER admitted me for a series of test. These test included….CT of head, neck and spine, labs in the ER, and then MRI with and without contrast of the head, neck and spine, more labs, heart monitoring the entire time I was on the floor, EEG, numerous neurological exams, and hip x-rays. All test have come back without concerns. However, the MRI has shown mild to moderate degenerative conditions in my spine and neck, which I will be seeking care for, but unrelated to my problem this week. Hip/bottom is not broken or fractured, just bruised and some inflammation is aggravating the sciatic nerve. I have followup appointments scheduled with my primary and neurologist to continue to try to figure this out.

The MRI was urgent to be done. This was the main reason for keeping me. The hospital could fit me in during the night. When they took me down, the radiologist told me it would take about 20 minutes per test and I had 6 test…brain, neck and t-spine, with and without contrast. 6 times 20 is 2 hours.

Then I saw that this was the TINY MRI tube. BREATHE. 2 HOURS.

A little side note: As soon as they mentioned that I needed an MRI, we started trying to get my daith earring out. This is not an easy task. I tried. Jeff tried. Several nurses tried. It was not budging. We watched several videos online. It should have just screwed off and come out. Around dinner time, Jeff found one that showed pulling it apart instead of twisting it apart. So he tried that. Mine is the pull apart kind. No wonder it would not twist. (roll eyes) Jeff was able to get it apart about an eight of an inch, but the rest was going to need pliers. Surely they would have something like that down in radiology. When I got down there, I showed them my earring. They asked if it was the original earring from the tattoo parlor. I said yes. They said that they are ok. (Later we looked it up. It is because they are made of titanium and that is safe in an MRI.) They also let me leave my rings on. My rings buzzed. My earring did not. Jeff later confirmed that the rings have metal and the earring does not.

Back to breathing…The radiologist were great. They talked to me constantly from the moment they came to get me in the hallway. They told me everything they were doing while they were “packing” me into the little tray. They were friendly and cheerful. Then they reassured me that if I needed any medication to let them know. I didn’t want medication, but I was starting to doubt that choice. As the tray started to slide into the tube, I just closed my eyes.

I know what I have to do. The only thing I can do is sing in my head. I have done this several times before. It is the only way to shut out the noise, and distract from being in the tube. Most of the MRI test that I have had, have been open MRIs so this was going to be difficult. I remembered that the evangelist we had last week had mentioned that he also likes to sing in his head during these types of test. That made me feel a little better. I’m not too crazy.

I opened my eyes. The wall is inches from my eyes. That is too close. I feel panic. Breathe. They ask if I am ok. “yes” (sigh)

Then the tap, tap, tap, started… and the drumming…. I need a song. My mind is blank suddenly. Why can’t I think of a song? Hundreds of songs that I know, and I can’t think of ONE? So I prayed for a song…… which led to “Lord I need you… when the sea of life is calm….” Then from there a mix of hymns and patch of the pirate went from one to another. Songs I know so well, the words were so hard to remember. The tapping, and drumming and buzzing, seemed to be distracting me SO. VERY. MUCH. Several times, I was so distracted by the noise that I would open my eyes and feel the panic start to set in. I would remind myself first, to BREATHE. Then, close your eyes…Keep your eyes on Jesus…and pray for another song. At one particularly loud moment, I could not remember the words to “Victory in Jesus”! How many thousands of times have I sung that song in my lifetime! “I heard and old, old story…?” and I could not remember what came next, so I repeated it…. again… and again…. and again….until I was practically shouting it in my head and the words “how a Savior came from glory” and the rest followed.

I had one little break when they injected the contrast, but those two hours were very hard. I almost squeezed the button several times to ask for meds. The only way I knew how to deal with the anxiety and panic was to close my eyes, and be with Jesus. Even when the distraction was more than I thought I could take, I had to keep my eyes closed to the distraction and on HIM.